Security

"Decemberist fans don't need any security. They need people to carry their books to the coffee shop for them so they can sit around and talk about Nietzsche."

i only wish i was kidding...

I don’t think albino is a race, it’s not on those college applications.

Those Poor, Poor Goats

overheard at a party (at which, incidentally, the five-o's came. what are we, in fucking high school?)

"I work at the post office and at a petting zoo, but the petting zoo is my passion..."

jones-what?

jonestown that's what.

"i had never heard of it [jonestown] until last night till i watched this crazy show about it. i mean it was a crazy cult."

yeah, yah think?